Mark My Words - commentary on news, politics, religion, philosophy, science and social issues

Very early Wednesday morning I was chatting online with a friend and she mentioned the movie Jaws.

This led to a discussion about how we both fear sharks and don't relish the thought of swimming in the ocean. I for one, felt a bit uncomfortable, when some years ago, I was in Hawaii and on Waikiki Beach and went in far enough to not be able to feel the bottom. Nothing like realizing you're in water that is deep enough to hide something that can bite a limb off. It is their environment after all and even an average size of nearly ten feet long is enough to do great damage to a human being.

My friend mentioned a story she had heard about a woman who got her led bitten off by a shark. Apparently she had decided to take a dip in the middle of the ocean! That sure seems to me like thrashing about in the jungle, where great apes roam about and expecting not to attract their attention. I recall, reading somewhere that should an ape charge, stand up to it and it will more than likely veer off since you were not intimidated. Sure enough, courtesy of the internet:

Gorilla Trekking in Bwindi Impenetrable Forest

"Whatever you do," our guide Steven cautioned, "do not run if a gorilla charges you."

I was standing with three other trekkers at the Ugandan Wildlife Authority office in Bwindi Impenetrable Forest National Park. It was 8:20am and Steven was delivering his briefing before we went to track the mountain gorillas.

"If you run, the gorilla will know that you're a coward, and he'll chase you."

"What happens if he catches you?" I asked.

"Just don't run," Steven replied.

Uh sorry, I need to have that demonstrated to me before I will consider that accurate advice. I know they are relatively peaceful animals, but if a creature that is nearly the same size as Ted Kennedy decides to charge at me violently I may have to rely on more than just staring it down.

At least with an ape, besides the tendency for them to leave you alone if you leave them alone, we are in the same environment which keeps the odds a bit more level or at least close enough to ease my mind. Besides, freezing in panic may be the best bet anyway (you go first). Not so, any of this, with various marine life.

I also discussed this subject with a coworker who brought up how it feels to snorkel for the first time. One can feel somewhat claustrophobic with the face mask on, even though surrounded by so much water. Hmmm, I'm thinking, cue the Jaws music because I know that with my luck, there is a large shark sneaking up behind me. So, do I turn around to let out that last muted bubbley gasp, just before the rows of teeth clamp down on my puny heador do I just freeze in place and miss seeing what would be more exhilerating (frightening!) than any roller coaster before it all ends in a violent dance of foamy red ocean water? btw I do love roller coasters.

So yep, I don't like sharks and I don't like being in their environment. If I take a dip in the ocean again, I hope to have a rather large blade, at a minimum, somewhere on my body. Though the size I would prefer might not be considered a knife by most standards.